


How to truly Carry On

by Kaylachan1990



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Don't worry, F/M, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Just one of the many ways the show could have ended., M/M, Post ep15x19, Rescue Fic, TheirLoveWasReal, cas is fine, day zero: carry on, saving cas from the empty, temporary canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29413341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylachan1990/pseuds/Kaylachan1990
Summary: “So, everyone’s back.”“Sure sounds like it,” Dean half hissed, knowing exactly what his brother was fishing for, “Everyone that was taken in a cloud of dust is back.”“Right…” and Dean almost thought Sam would leave it there, until he started talking again, “So why couldn’t he bring Cas back? He has the power of two archangels, and Chuck, and Amara, and his own, so why cou-”“DAMN IT, SAMMY! Enough,” Dean snapped, glaring at him, “I don’t know, okay?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 69
Collections: Their Love Was Real: a Destiel & Saileen Fanworks Challenge





	How to truly Carry On

**Author's Note:**

> My fic for day one of the #TheirLoveWasReal prompt. It's an awesome idea, and I doubt I will get something for all 8, but it's fun doing what I can.
> 
> https://theirlovewasreal.tumblr.com/post/642869604971069440/theirlovewasreal-fanworks-challenge-event check it out and join in teh fun! Lots of cool things are being made for it!

Hands held the familiar steering wheel, as their owner glanced out the rear view mirror, hoping… Hoping for what exactly? For Jack to pop up and say he  _ would _ be hands on? For a glimpse of a tan back? 

“So what now?”

Dean looked away from the mirror towards his brother when he heard him speak, “You’re going to call and text everyone, make sure they are all back,” he stated as he put the car into drive, “I’m going to drive us to Eileen’s. Seeing as you got her phone and car, thought you might want to get the phone to her and we can bring her back for the car.” 

“I.. right okay, but I mean in the long term, Dean.” Sam added as he started sending off texts. “The one writing the story now is hands off, and we raised him. But there are still monsters, and Jack only brought back the ones Chuck vanished so what abou-”   
  
“Just text Jody and the others and make sure they’re fine,” Dean cut him off, hands gripping the wheel tighter as he drove, looking straight ahead. “If Jack could have done something, he would have.” he added quietly, refusing to look over at Sam.

To Sam’s credit, he was silent for a while as he waited to get messages back from everyone “Donna says everyone at the silo is back, and that Charlie ran out the moment Stevie answered her phone,” he explained as he looked through the replies he was getting.    
  
“Jody said all the girls are safe, if not a little freaked out. Garth said the kids were snapped first, so they didn't notice something happened, but he and Bess aren’t leaving their sides for quite awhile after that.” he continued, and Dean just nodded.

“Good, those little cubs don’t deserve to see their ma and pop suddenly gone,” he agreed as he continued to drive, making a mental note that the next turn wasn’t far up ahead.

“Right, also ask Garth before you call them that in front of him,” Sam pointed out, then looked at Dean with sympathy. “So, everyone’s back.”    
  
“Sure sounds like it,” Dean half hissed, knowing exactly what his brother was fishing for, “Everyone that was taken in a cloud of dust is back.”   


“Right…” and Dean almost thought Sam would leave it there, until he started talking again, “So why couldn’t he bring Cas back? He has the power of two archangels, and Chuck, and Amara, and his own, so why cou-”

“DAMN IT, SAMMY! Enough,” Dean snapped, glaring at him, “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know why he couldn’t! Maybe the Empty is more powerful, maybe it’s because he was part of the deal Cas made too, maybe even with our kid being in charge, the universe is  _ still  _ not on our DAMN SIDE!” he hissed as he made a sharp right, having almost missed the turn.

“What deal? You mentioned it a bit, and Jack seemed to understand, but he wouldn’t tell me either. I don’t get it.”

“To get Jack out of Heaven, Cas, the stupid bastard, told the Empty to take him instead,” Dean explained, “They told him they would, but because they hate him, they wouldn’t take him until he was truly happy. Instead of waiting on that to happen, he chose to make it happen so the Empty would take both him and Billie.”

“So saving you triggered his moment of happiness?” Sam asked, and Dean didn’t blame him, he still couldn’t process what really did it, “I mean, I get how that would do it, knowing you would be safe instead of you both dying.”

“That’s  _ not  _ what triggered the damn deal,” Dean spoke quietly, focusing on driving, “Saving me didn’t trigger it, letting me know why he was okay sacrificing himself for me did.”

“What do you mean ‘why’? We’d have all done the same in that situation,” Sam frowned, “Dean, I’m missing something here, I don’t get it.”

“Drop it, Sam.” Dean said finality, and refused to say anything else about it all the way to Eileen’s place.   
  


When they pulled up in front of Eileen’s, Sam took one look at the smashed in window and the open front door, and bolted out of the car before it was even fully in park. He rushed in and started looking around, wanting to call out for her but knowing there was no point either outcome.

He searched her living room and nothing, his heart sank a bit when he looked into the empty kitchen as well, until--   
  
“Sam?”

He turned around and saw her standing behind him and then he was hugging her, tighter once she hugged back. They stayed like that for a few moments, Sam vaguely taking note that his brother had entered the house as well.

“Sam, I’m glad you’re here, but I need to see you so you can tell me what happened,” Eileen eventually said, gently letting go of him, and he followed her lead, and stood back. “Last thing I remember is you telling me that you were coming to check on me, and then it was daytime and I was in my front yard, my car and purse were gone. That’s why the window is gone.” she turned to Dean and signed hello to him before turning back to Sam.

“Right, sorry about that,” Sam said and signed at the same time, “I took them. Your purse and phone are in the Impala, your car is safe, we’ll take you to it.”

“Fine, but I expect you to sit in the back and explain to me why it’s a week later, and why my eldery neighbor appeared in her yard the same time I did and doesn’t notice anything wrong.” she said, clearly tired, before glancing at Dean and turning to sign so Sam only could see.  _ “Are we free of the story?” _

_ “Yes.”  _ Sam signed back with a sad smile,  _ “Well, most of us are.”  _

Dean waved his hand around to get both their attention, “Didn’t see what she said, but I can read your hands Sam…” he said, signing what he could.

Sam rolled his eyes, “Stop hiding things, and I will.” he noticed the moment something clicked in Eileen’s expression, and signed and told her, “Jack is in charge now but says he’ll be hands off, and... and we lost Cas.”

Eileen looked at both of them with sadness, “I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

“No, but tha-” Sam started but was cut off by Dean.

“Yes,” Dean said, causing Sam to look at him confused.

“Dean, what do you mean by yes? What can she do that Jack couldn’t?” Sam insisted, and truly he couldn’t understand what his brother was talking about, but Dean wasn’t looking at him, and Sam knew it wasn’t only so Eileen could read his lips.

“You two love birds are going to sit in the back and Sammy is going to explain everything,” Dean started, “Just like he said, but first he’s going to text Claire and tell her to get to the Bunker. And then when we get there, you two are going to keep the portal to hell open while I go get Rowena’s help.”

“For what?” Sam asked, not sure what the two of them could do.

“Rowena told Cas and I to fix it, and he did, but I didn’t, so I’m going to get her to rewrite a spell, Claire has his human dna,” Dean said, more quietly, but still so his mouth was moving easily enough for Eileen, “And somewhere, deep in the fabric that put me together after hell, somewhere in me, is his grace.” he finished saying before turning around and storming out toward the car.

Sam looked at Eileen, both of them exchanging a look of sadness and worry, before just nodding and heading out after him.

  
  
  


A few hours later, with Eileen following behind them in her car, and a fluffy, excited new friend in the backseat, Dean having found the dog again while Sam was escorting Eileen back to her car, they were headed back to the Bunker.

Dean had hoped that since Sam hadn’t said anything while Eileen was in the car, he wouldn’t ask many questions, but of course his moose of brother wouldn’t give him a few moments to relax.

“You really think Rowena can alter the spell Nick tried to use for Lucifer enough for it to work?” Sam asked him not ten minutes into the drive back to the bunker.

“Why can’t you just say ‘okay, lets try it’ like Claire did, and leave me the hell alone?” Dean glared at him.

“Because she’s just as pissed after hearing he’s gone as you are, and just as impulsive,” Sam pointed out, “And maybe, just maybe, if you told me fully what happened, I’d know why you think this will work.”

“Sam, please stop asking me about it, damn it,” Dean said, trying his best to sound angry, but he’s sure his little brother caught the pain in his voice. “If… if it doesn’t work, I want to keep that for myself. We were the only ones there, so it’s for me and him. If it does work, don’t worry, you’ll know what happened as soon as I finish yelling at him.”

“You’re going to yell at him?” Sam asked, sounding actually shocked, “He sacrificed himself for you and you’re going to yell at him.”

“We can pretend I won’t,” Dean shrugged as he turned onto the last road leading to the Bunker, “You don’t leave like he did, and not expect to be yelled at.”

“I know you get… well... like that every time he dies, but don't you think yelling will make him think you didn’t want him to come back?”   
  
Dean turned towards Sam as he parked in front of the Bunker, “No, not if he listens to why I’m pissed at him.” he said as he got out of the car, opening the back door for the dog.

“Come on Miracle, at least one of you listens to me,” he spoke softly to the dog, “You can have shotgun next time, you won’t ask me annoying questions.” he said as he headed to the door, waving to Eileen as she parked behind them, and he headed in.

“Alright, first things first,” he said as he headed to the kitchen, getting a bowl for some water and one for some meat they had in the fridge, “Yeah, yeah, not the best for ya, bud. I’ll get you the fancy stuff you deserve as soon as I let that idiot know what he deserves,” he whispered as he leaned down to pet the dog who was happily lapping up the water. “Atta boy, now you listen to the big one while I go get help.”

He turned around and jumped a bit when he saw Eileen there, “Hey, sorry if I drove too fast for you.” he nodded, signing  _ “Sorry.”  _

“It’s okay Dean,” she smiled kindly at him, “I would have been rushing just as much if I was trying to save Sam from something like this.”

Dean looked at her a moment before just smiling, “Figured it out, huh? Not surprised, you’re smart as hell.” he said as he leaned against the kitchen counter, “Just… don’t ask for the full story, okay?”

“I knew for a while,” Eileen explained, “You and I, we handled Chuck taking our free will about the same. From how I saw it, Castiel gave that to you like Sam has to me. The deal you were all talking about. You were his happiness.”

Dean just nodded, then looked to make sure Sam wasn’t listening, “Something like that,” he mouthed so she could read it, but Sam couldn’t hear. Yeah he learned that trick from his brother, yes he was using it against him.    
  
“Don’t worry, I’ll explain it all once we get him back, not letting him live it down. Now you get settled while Sammy and I gather the recipe for the spell so I can go talk to the queen of demons.” he said, then winked, “Sure Sam won’t mind if you settle in his room,” he said before turning around to head out of the kitchen, smiling a bit when he heard her laugh. ‘Ya hear that Cas? We’re gunna get you back, and the four of us are gunna laugh like that all the time.’ he thought to himself.  
  


“Everything is ready, so fire up the spell, Sam,” Dean said as he bandaged the cut he’d made to drop blood into the portal.

“You sure you don’t want me to come help you convince her?” Sam asked him for at least the twentieth time.

“I’m sure, I know how to convince her to help, and she’s got a soft spot for Cas,” Dean pointed out, “Besides, Claire is almost here, and having two people to keep Claire from coming to help is better than one, and she didn’t let Kaia come with her.” 

One minute Dean was watching Sam roll his eyes, the next he was landing on the ground in hell, no weapons out, but one on his side in case. He held his hands out in front of him as two female demons appeared in front of him.   
  
“Ladies, I’m not here to fight, I’m sure you all know I’m friends with your queen,” he bargained, not stepping closer, but getting kind of worried when one walked toward him.

“This way, Dean Winchester, the queen has been expecting you. She and her two guests are waiting patiently.” the demon with darker skin and curls said as she started walking off behind him. Dean guessed she must be higher rank, her suite more adorned than the other’s.

“What do you mean she and her guests are expecting me?” he asked as he followed her through several doors, but she didn’t answer him.

He did get his answer however, when he was led into a room with a large dining table, completely empty except for three seats at one end. First he noticed Rowena sitting at the head of the table, in a chair she clearly had far too much fun designing. That didn’t shock him, oh no, it was the other people residing in the room.

“Squirrel! Lovely to see you, mother and I have just been catching up, while your son here, explained how he got me out,” Crowley grinned over the cup of tea in his hand, “Who knew you and feathers could raise such a polite child.”

“Fergus, do behave, if what we believe is true, the poor boys are both in mourning for their angel,” Rowena scolded, but the look on her face almost mirrored her son. 

“What the  _ hell _ is going on here?” Dean glared as he wandered over to the table, making a beeline for Jack, “You brought him back, but not Cas? Kid, you better have an explanation.”

“I do!” Jack beamed as he placed the tray of cookies he was eating from onto the table, “I said I would be mostly hands off, and I am. I just have to fix some of grandfather’s mistakes first. The first was split from Amara, she sends her greetings, but she’s in heaven helping the angels out and making sure it’s being restored better. Oh, don’t worry I’ll help later of course.”    
  
“And Crowley is higher on your fix list, than Cas?” Dean hissed, getting more angry.

“I should take offense to that, but you always are like this for your angel,” Crowley deadpanned, “But no, he got me along with some other demons and the angels. Your angel can’t be retrieved that easily.”

“He’s right, also he says he gets to be my uncle,” Jack explained, between bites of another cookie he grabbed while they were talking. “But I knew you’d come here, because Rowena is the best witch you know, so I waited when I dropped the demons off.”

“Still not saying why Cas isn’t back with the other angels, kid.”   
  
“Well, it’s like you’ve guessed, he made the deal for me, and the only way I can fix it is if I undo the deal, and Cas would be very mad if I did that.” he paused, “Oh, and I guess there would also be cosmic imbalance if I died.”

“So you know why I’m here, that’s what I’m getting from this?” Dean asked, as he stepped closer.

“It should work once she has a chance to go look into the original spell, but I can’t say for sure,” Jack explained, “and there is a change the Empty may come collect him again after you speak with him… I can tell that you know what that implies for him, but I ask you not to force him.”

“I-” Dean started to yell, no way in hell did he want to give Cas that choice, but something about the look on Jack’s face let him know that wasn’t true, “Right.. We want him to have the choice reguardless.”

“Yes, exactly,” Jack nodded, then turned to Rowena, “I ask that you also prepare a spell to heal him, I don’t want to do anything that may put me as directly part of it.”

“Of course, dear one, and I trust that you keep your promise for myself and Fergus as well?” Rowena smiled.

“I will, there are souls that don’t belong here, and the ones that do, if you two split them based on how they should be punished, it will help Amara and I out a whole lot,” Jack promised.

Dean just stared at them, “Less than a day, and you’re all reforming hell? What’s next, kid, you going to make Purgatory safer too?”   
  
“No,” Jack stated, and Dean thought that was the end of it, “But only the evil monsters go there now, I couldn’t take them all from the realm, and it would not be safe to put them here, so same rules as human souls that deserve hell.”

“He’s made the Empty pretty much the same, only the big bad evil demons go there,” Crowley rolled his eyes, “And the same for angels of course, those of us that die aren't horrible, go to the realm we deserve, but we won’t be able to leave.”

“So you’re stuck down here?” Dean asked him, and instantly realized he was wrong when Crowley grinned at him.”    
  
“Next time you boys cause my death, yes, however Jack has revived those of us he pulled out of there, just as your angel will be when you get him out,” Crowley explained, “Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to pop in and check on you all whenever I wish.”

Dean just rolled his eyes, before sitting down in the chair next to Jack, “Right, well then, let's get down to business, you all can resume your tea party after we save Cas. Hell, I’ll host the damn thing in the Bunker if this works out.” he said as he handed the spell and his notes on what he had to help with the recipe change.

  
  


Sam was in a repetitive trance of checking the spell, and checking to see if Claire had arrived yet, pacing back and forth between the room they did the spell in, and into view of the stairs. For all they knew, Rowena could be mad at them for changing who is in charge topside, or Dean could fun into a demon that hates him and doesn’t care if Rowena was their friend.

“Sam, it’s going to be fine,” Eileen said as he made his way back into the spell room for the tenth time, “How about I wait here with the spell and you go wait to talk with Claire? If she gets here before Dean gets back, I’m sure that will make her more anxious of what she needs to do.”

Same looked at her and sighed, going over and giving her a hug, before signing  _ “You’re right, sorry,”  _ and headed back out to the sit at the map table to wait on her.

About twenty minutes later the main door opened up, and Claire wandered in, “Alright, I’m here, lets save the dumbass.”

Sam just smiled and shook his head, so much like Dean, “Hello to you too, Claire. And we will, just waiting on Dean to get back with Rowena that’s helping us out.”

“He’s not back yet? He said he was close to her,” Claire frowned as she walked down the stairs, “So what exactly is needed of me? Hair, blood, what?”

Sam sighed and shrugged, “Blood yeah, like most spells, the original is made to find an angel based on their child’s grace. Dean said your dna can help for his vessel, and Cas’ own grace can help to pull him here, or that’s what he’s hoping.”

“You don’t think it’ll work, do you?” Claire asked, and Sam could tell she was trying to hide her own worry about it.”   


“It’s not that,” Sam explained, “It’s possible, and I’m not shocked Dean came up with the plan so fast.” he sighed, not sure how to say this without upsetting her, “I’m sure you know no plan is set in stone as a good outcome, and I’m just scared for Dean if it doesn’t.”

“Meaning, you know if it doesn’t work, he’ll spend the rest of his life trying other ways to get him back,” Claire commented, “I get it, I regret accepting Kaia’s death now that I know she was still savable.” 

“Yeah, something like that,” Sam agreed, “Especially since Dean is convinced his existence is the cause of it.”

“Dean could have tied him up and stuck him in an angel trap, and Cas would have still found a way out to protect him,” Claire shrugged sadly.

“You’re probably right,” Sam smiled sadly, but stood up from the table, “Alright let’s go wait with Eileen, she deserves a break from watching the spell anyway.” he said as he led Claire to the spell room.  
  


“You sure you can’t come too, Jack,” Dean asked as he and Rowena stood near the portal back, ready to head through.

“I’m positive, I don’t want the Empty to have any reason to think this was my idea,” Jack said sadly, “I want to be there, and I will visit soon, but I do need to get back to helping Amara and the other angels. Please tell him I miss and love him.”

“I will, kid,” Dean said as he pulled him into a hug, “And you better visit, you’re not even four, you can’t stay away from us all the time.” he teased, patting Jack on the back before stepping back, “I’ll yell at him a bit for you, too. That idiot is in this mess because he cares too much about the two of us, need to let him know he can’t do this again.”

Jack smiled a bit, “I… I’m trying to not let my powers fully show me everything, but some things still slip through. I know what happened, don’t be too harsh on him, okay?”

Dean huffed a laugh, “Yeah, alright, figured you knew what went down anyway. Don’t worry, I know I won’t be able to stay angry with him, but all of that has to wait until he’s safe.”

“Your talk is truly heartwarming,” Rowena spoke up, “However Dean, we must be going if you want the angel in your arms before morning.”

Dean tried to not get ruffled by her comment, “Yeah, whatever, see ya Jack.” he muttered as he stepped back through to the Bunker, moving out of the way so Rowena could follow. 

He took a look around the room, “Good, you got here safe,” he said to Claire, hugging her, even though they were both acting like it was a chore, “You and I are going to work together to get him back.”

“Of course old man,” Claire agreed after they let go of each other, “Sam says you need some of my blood, that’s no problem.”

“Right you are, Samuel,” Rowena spoke up, instantly signing so Eileen would understand as well, as she wasn’t facing, directly towards her, “Eileen, Claire, you lovely ladies gather these ingredients, there are new extra ones to the main spell which I see you have, last I checked all of these should be here in the Bunker?” she said and handed them a list. “Dean I believe you described the jacket well enough, I’ll go get it from your room, while Sam extracts some of the grace you were stitched together with.”

Dean nodded as he watched the others leaving, shedding his overshirts and rolling up his left sleeve, “Used to be a scar here from him touching me, figure this is the best spot.”

“This hurts like hell, just so you know,” Sam pointed out as he grabbed the needle, “It won’t be as bad since I was injured at the time, but…”

“Cas being gone is what hurts like hell, I can handle this,” Dean muttered, “Come on Sam, get it over with so we can do the spell when they’ve gathered it all. He grabbed onto the arms of the chair he was sitting in, closing his eyes. 

‘Okay, focus on Cas, ignore the pain being shoved in your arm,” Dean thought, trying his best to not move, tapping his leg on the floor to try to focus on that, ‘This is nothing, I watched Cas die in front of me, again. Doing this so we can give him the choice to come home.’ he thought, relaxing a bit as he felt the grace start to move toward the needle, and oh… he hadn’t thought it would feel lonely losing some of that.

“That should be enough for the spell,” Sam said after a moment, as he stepped away to place it on the table.

“Thanks Sammy,” Dean said as he rubbed his arm before standing up and looking at the measurements for the other ingredients, “All of this looks good.” 

“I have everything on the list, Claire will be here in a minute, Miracle convinced her he needed more food,” Eileen laughed as he came back into the room, placing the rest of the spell components down.

Rowena was next followed by Claire, who in turn was being followed by the dog, “Easy boy, I’ll pet you more as soon as we’re done with this.” she said as he carefully closed the door with Miracle on the other side.

Dean smiled over at the interaction, before going back to scraping some of the dried blood off the arm of his jacket, into the spell bowl, “Alright Claire, you’re up.” he said as he handed a knife over to her, and stepped out the circle.

He looked to Sam and Eileen while Claire was getting her blood and Rowena was setting up the rest of the spell, “I need you three to make sure I do not go to him under any circumstances until we know what he wants, Rowena is going to explain the rules to him.”

“I don’t get what his choices are, to stay here or go back to the Empty, right? Obviously he will choose to live,” Sam said in a way that Dean was sure was meant to sound comforting. 

“Not exactly,” Dean sighed as he moved away from the circle, which was made up of a small circle, the one from the spell, and a larger one for Rowena to stand in to cast the spell since Cas would not need a vessel waiting in the circle given that his body was taken with him, “Either option he gets out of there, but it’s his free will how he lives. I  _ won’t  _ take that from him. Rowena, you’re up.”

“Of course, dear. You stand there and relax, I’ll tell him everything so you don’t risk the Empty fighting it,” Rowena smiled as she cast the spell, and Dean watched as the two rings lit up around her and the spell base.

He looked away when he felt something bump his side, and smiled a bit when he realized it was Claire standing beside him. He nudged her back as a silent thanks then turned back to the sight in front of him.

Dark lightless waves were rising up so far, turning into smoke and the shape of a human, and Dean had to almost look away. It resembled that night too much, but he didn’t look away, he watched him leave, and damn it he’s going to watch him return.

Then suddenly, the black was gone, and slowly the smoke was rising away, and Dean watched as slowly shoes were revealed, he heard himself gasp when he saw the edges of a familiar coat appear under the smoke. It felt like an eternity, but the smoke finally cleared away, and it took Dean every bit of energy he could to not move when Cas’ eyes opened.

At first Cas just blinked and looked around, and Dean couldn’t help but smile at the confused look on his face, or when Cas’ caught sight of him and looked shocked.

“Dean?” Cas whispered as he became more aware, panic in his eyes as he looked at the spell circle. “I don’t understand… What have you done? How… how am I here?”

“Come now, dear angel, focus on me for the moment,” Rowena said to get his attention, “Focus on me first, you’re okay, and our hunters haven’t done anything stupid to get you back. You’re fine and safe, but the Empty could still collect you, do you understand?”

Cas nodded, then looked around again, and Dean wanted so badly to go explain, instead he nodded and pointed to Rowena, trying to say to listen.

“I… Yes, I made the deal with them, and then, I’ve been in there since, a week or a month? I.. I can’t tell. But why bring me back if they can come get me again?” Cas questioned, looking sad.

“They won’t take you back, but you have to make a choice of how you want that to happen,” Rowena explained as he pulled an angel blade and a vial. She glanced at him, and then glanced back and Dean for a moment, and Dean nodded, knowing she was asking his permission again to explain. 

“You can leave now, as an angel, and do what you want,” she explained, “but to live here, with your family here, to be able to even speak with Dean, but must remove the source that gives the Empty control of your after life. You understand this right, dear?”

Dean’s heart started racing as he watched and listened, he could feel the others watching looking between them all, Sam taking time to translate for Eileen for what she couldn’t see them say. 

He jumped a bit when he noticed Cas was looking him in the eye, determined, and neither of them broke eye contact as Cas gave his answer to Rowena, “I want to stay here, to live here.”

“Very good, now your Winchester can know he hasn’t made you choose,” Rowena teased lightly as she canceled the spell circles and walked to him, carefully sliding the angel blade over a part of his neck, collecting the grace as it flowed to him, and then Cas collapsed.   
  
And that’s when Dean broke, and he didn’t even remember moving, but he was at Cas’ side, holding the passed out ang-... human… steady, while Rowena cast a spell to heal the wound on his neck.

“All done, he’ll wake up soon,” Rowena assured Dean before stepping back, “The poor boy is just exhausted from being in the Empty and then suddenly being human again.” She handed Dean the vial of grace, “Here you are, the two of you, and darling Jack can decide what to do with it, I don’t care to know, nor would I feel safe. I need to head back now, but summon me if you need anything!” 

“Right, thank you Rowena,” Dean said quietly, shifting on the floor so Cas was able to half rest against his chest, “Tell your son not to be a pest too much, and if Jack happens to still be there, let him know it’s okay, he can come visit now.

“I shall,” Rowena agreed then smiled to Eileen, “You and Castiel look after these stupid brothers for me, you hear? Maybe now with everything okay they’ll start listening, and see if you can convince Samuel to pick up more witch work, he’d do well at it.” he said before disappearing.

“What the hell just happened,” Claire asked as he went over to look at Cas.

“I’ll explain more once we have him into the one of the medical beds,” Dean started, shifting a bit so he could lift Cas up, thanking Claire as he helped him get his balance when standing so to not drop the former angel.

Sam just nodded and opened the door, for them, “I don’t understand why he had to be human. I mean I think I am understanding what may have activated the deal, but…” 

“I’ll explain everything Sammy, or most of it, once he’s resting, the rest he can explain when he wakes up,” Dean said as he carefully carried Cas down the hall toward the Bunker’s infirmary, not taking his eyes off the sleeping again for a second.  
  


Sam watched as Dean placed Cas on the bed, then sat down on the edge of it, never taking his eyes off Cas. It was just the three of them in the room at the moment, Eileen out walking the dog, and Claire in the kitchen getting water searching for something that wasn’t takeout for Cas to eat when he woke up.

Even so, Sam felt almost like he was intruding, like he should leave the two of them alone, but he needed to know what all happened.

Dean must have noticed Sam watching him because he just looked over at him with a worried smile, “Yeah, yeah, I know I owe you an explanation.”

“You don’t owe it to me, he’s back, that’s what matters,” Sam assured him, as he moved to sit in a chair near them, “Though I’m sure I heard you say something about Crowley being back.”

“Jack and Amara are changing up the way it all works, heaven’s gunna be a resting place for the good of all species, so he went and got all the good angels and ‘good’ demons and revived them,” Dean glanced down at Cas and placed a hand on his arm, “Well all the ones he could. It’s why he’s not here, we didn’t want either of us to activate the Empty again until Cas’s grace was gone, or well, if he would have chosen to leave.”

“So why couldn’t you go to him,” Sam finally asked, he knew this was what Dean had been avoiding answering, and he watched as Dean’s shoulders dropped a bit, clearly not wanting to have this conversation still.

“Dumbass was happy enough just spilling all his secrets for the Empty to take him,” Dean began, “No way in hell was I risking the deal reactivating the moment I let him how dumb he was.”

“You’re going to tell him he’s dumb when he wakes up? Dean, be serious here,” Sam complained, really hoping to get a direct answer out of his brother. “I know it’s more than that, I’m sure I can guess what, and it’s a good thing right?”

Dean just rolled his eyes, “Good, yeah. He seems to think giving a big speech and then dying because of it was a good idea, so yeah, he’s kind of a dumbass.” He paused and looked at Sam with an expression Sam hadn’t seen on his brother in… well maybe ever. 

“But I’m dumb too, I just stood there in shock and let it take him, and I must have done something wrong if he thought that-- Well that’s our business and I’ve said enough to you until he wakes up and I can talk to him first.”

Sam laughed a little, “Yeah, alright, I’m leaving you alone about it for now. Just don’t yell at him too much when he wakes up. “I’m going to go see if Claire needs help finding him something healthy, let us know when he wakes up.” he said as he stood up from the bed and headed up the stairs of the infirmary, but he turned back and grinned at his brother, 

“And remember, this is a communal room, and that he’s weak right now.” he called over his shoulder, closing the door behind him before Dean could yell at him.

When he got into the kitchen, he saw that Eileen was also back, and was talking with Claire through sign language, or at least attempting. He walked over so they could see him before talking and signing, “Hey Claire, I didn’t know you could sign?”   
  
She nodded, “A bit, I’m not fluent though, but I know enough that we could talk behind your back if we feel like it,” she grinned, signing what she could, causing Eileen to laugh.

“She’s not accidentally swore at me yet, so I think she’s doing pretty well,” Eileen teased, “By the way, you and your brother have hardly anything to eat.”   
  
“Yeah well, you were all gone for a week completely, we didn’t get much food,” Sam laughed, then signed,  _ “You and I can go pick up groceries later.” _

Eileen smiled and agreed,  _ “Good, and that dog needs more than leftovers and lunch meat as well, the poor guy.”  _

“You two are cute together,” Claire commented, placing a few cans of soup on the table, “We’ll toss this in a pot once Cas is ready to eat until you can get more stuff,” she said before sitting down. “Wonder how long after he wakes up before Dean actually comes and tells us..”

“Wake up soon,” Dean whispered, still sitting on the edge of Cas’ bed. It was weird seeing a former angel sleep, when knowing he would be okay. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he wondered, knowing what he knows now, if Cas ever felt like this all the times the roles had been reversed.

Dean couldn’t help but place his hand over Cas’ heart after Sam had left the room, it was weird, feeling the heartbeat of him, but it was helping him stay calm. “You and I have a lot to talk about, once you’re okay, sunshine,” he continued speaking quietly to him every so often.

His eyes widened when he saw and felt a hand cover his, and let his eyes trail from Cas’ chest, up to his face, to see a tired smile and those beautiful kind blue eyes, “Cas, hey there.”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas smiled more, “So it wasn’t a trick by the Empty, you really got me out,” he said, looking around the room, clearly taking in that he was in the Bunker.

“Damn right we did,” Dean said, trying to sound annoyed, but he was too happy, and his heart was beating too fast to not still be smiling the whole time. “You really thought that, between me and the kid, we wouldn’t find some way to drag your ass back here?”

“I didn’t think it was possible,” Cas admitted, slowly sitting up, but not letting go of Dean’s hand. “Jack couldn’t help, there was no way a Nephelim could beat the Empty, and I don’t know how you were able to.”

“Yeah well, Jack kinda rules all now, but he still couldn’t,” Dean explained, “Over your time on earth, ya sorta left all the ingredients for Rowena’s altered spell. Claire’s DNA to match your vessel, and if we had to we could have found some of your grace left in her, but I had plenty of that floating around in me, where you saved me from hell, where you branded my ribs, take your pick.”   
  
He paused for a second, looking Cas’ over, “And then, blood, your blood that you left on my jacket before you let yourself be taken in the first place,” and okay maybe some of his residual anger popped in there, but he couldn’t help it.

“I… I’m sorry, Dean,” Cas whispered, “but it was the only way. Me or both of us, I had to do it,” he said sadly, “And if what I said to activate the deal upset you, I’m sorry for that as well.”

“Upset me? Damn right it upset me, you dumbass,” Dean said with anger still in his voice, but he turned his hand that Cas was holding, so he could hold his tighter. “A freakin’ angel tells me that he’s in love with me, for who knows how long, and then tells me that, because of some fucked up deal, is what is about to kill him? Yeah Castiel, I was a little upset.” 

Cas looked at him, confused and like he was going to apologize again, so Dean held his free hand up to stop him, “And don’t you dare apologize for it, Cas. I’m not upset at what you said, how the hell could I be? I’m upset about what led to you saying it. I’m upset that… I’m upset that you thought it was something you couldn’t have.”

Cas’ eyes widened a little bit at that, “Dean… don’t say that to make me feel better, I… I really am okay with just being back here, I promise you that.” he said as he tried to pull his hand away, but Dean just pulled his hand closer.

“Yeah, I know you would, you self sacrificing dumbass,” Dean said, shifting so his whole body was aimed directly in Cas’ direction, “But you don’t have to be okay with that, because you can have that, you’ve had me since who knows when. Looking back, probably sometime before the Leviathan killed you, I don’t know.”

He smiled, suddenly feeling way shyer than he thought any guy in his forties should feel, “I love you, Cas, it’s why Rowena did the spell and not me. If I had, I would have said that the moment you were in arms reach and the Empty might have taken you right the hell back. But I love you, so damn much.” he was crying now, and smiling.

Cas was no better, his eyes were filled with tears, and the look of pure joy he was directing at Dean caused it to feel like Dean’s heart was about to burst, “I love you, too, Dean Winchester. And I’m sorry, not for saying it, but because I can’t imagine how much it would hurt me if this was the opposite.”

Dean just nodded, finally letting go of Cas’ hand, but only so he could wrap his arms around him, carefully though, since he was sure the other was still weak, “I do want to thank you for saving me, saving the world. What you did help us defeat Chuck, but I’ll explain all that later, just know our kid is doing way better than your old man ever did. And I want to thank you for being the one thing Chuck never controlled in my whole damn life.”

“Thank you for showing me how, and thank you for finding a way to bring me back to you,” Cas replied as he hugged Dean close, resting his face against Dean’s neck, “Chuck said I was broken, but I think I was just the only one given the chance to truly know you.”

Dean smiled, and couldn’t help but instinctively kiss the top of Cas’ head, “Ya big sap, this how we’re both going to be from now on? Constantly saying sweet things to each other?”

Cas glanced up at him a bit and smiled, “I wouldn’t be opposed to it, not it you aren’t, but no not all the time. You are still a Winchester and therefore you will annoy me quite frequently.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean said quietly, even though no one could hear them, “I’ll just have to think of ways to make you less annoyed,” he said as he looked him in the eye. He instinctively tried to hide it when his eyes shifted to look at Cas’ lips, before realizing he didn’t have to do that anymore, and slowly leaned closer. “Could show you an example now if you want.”

Cas laughed silently at that, but nodded, “As many ‘examples’ as you’re willing to give to me,” he replied, doing air quotes with one of his hands.

Dean just shook his head laughing a little before bringing one hand up, to Cas’ face, as the both of slowly moved closer together, Cas resting his hand on Dean’s neck, until their lips finally met, and Dean couldn’t help but grin the moment they did, because holy crap, he was finally kissing his angel.

Slowly they started moving their lips in sync, holding each other close, neither of them wanting to let go, and when they finally did, Cas just smiled at Dean so brightly, and Dean was sure he had the same look on his face, that he couldn’t resist leaning back in to kiss him again, before pulling him into another hug. 

The two of them just stayed there for a while, just being able to finally relax together. Eventually Dean pulled back, “You feeling okay to walk around, or you want me to call Sam or Claire to bring you something to eat here?”

“I think I can go, just still a bit tired, but I guess I do need to eat now,” Cas agreed, sitting up a bit.

“Yeah,” Dean said as he stood up so he could help him, “This time I’m going to make sure you enjoy your life as a human as much as possible. Now come on, let's get some good food in you.” he smiled as he helped Cas up, letting him lean on him a bit as they headed to the kitchen.

  
  


A couple days later, they were all gathered around the table in the war room, and Dean couldn’t feel more lucky as he looked around. Claire was still there, she kept saying it was because she didn’t feel like driving back, but with the amount she was texting Kaia, and also grumpily doting on Cas, it was clear she was still worried about him.

Jack had popped up the day before, claiming that Amara had it handled and said he could stay with them as long as he checked in a few times, he was currently trying to teach Miracle tricks, but the dog couldn’t be less interested, “He says he doesn’t need to learn because, and I am quoting Miracle, ‘our dads feed me enough treats without me doing anything’, but that means he sees me as his brother” Jack smiled, also signing it, as he looked over at Dean and Cas, who were currently sitting beside each other at the table, clearly both amused and looking at the other accusingly.

“Ya know, kinda glad he’s the only one that can talk to the dog,” Dean winked at Cas, “I’d wake up in the middle of the night to you two gossiping about me or something.” he teased.

“Miracle says that’s not true because he doesn’t like your room at night,” Jack added, which caused so much chaos. Dean and Cas both pretended to look shy but were both laughing, while Eileen was outright cackling. 

“Jack there are some things you don’t have to share with us that he said, ugh,” Claire complained as she reached over to pet the dog, “but you poor pup, you must be traumatized.”

“Alright, that’s enough of that topic,” Sam said suddenly getting up from the table and going over to get a pocket knife, and Dean realized what his brother was doing right away, “Dean and I were talking yesterday, and while you’re all here, we want the four of you to sign the table.”   
  
“Four? You talking about me too?” Claire asked curiously, obviously shocked by the gesture.   
  
“Of course, we want Jody and Donna and the others to as well next time they are out this way,” Dean pointed out, “Do whatever you want, name or initials, whichever.”

Jack smiled, “I love that idea!” he said as he moved over to wait his turn, and slowly they each went for it. Claire wrote her first name and last initial, Eileen going for a simple E.L., and Dean was totally going to tease Sam about if planned to turn the L. into a W. one day. Jack’s almost had Dean, Cas, and Sam in tears, as he had written ‘Jack K.-W.’ and okay yeah Dean hugged the kid to not actually start crying. 

It was Cas, not what he wrote but what he said after, he had simply put ‘Cas’ before smiling at Dean and saying in a whisper, “It’s the part of my name that makes me feel the most human, and maybe one day I’ll put a letter at the end of it as well.” 

And, ignoring the others in the room, Dean couldn’t help but pull him in for a kiss, whispering back, “We’ll discuss that later, and I’m not letting that count as you asking me anything.” even though they both knew what the answer would be when one did.


End file.
